Are We Really Free?

This topic came to my thoughts as a result of circumstances in my life today that prompted me to give it some serious pondering. I can honestly say that they are not the point of this posting, just the deciding factor in it being written. So in that, I am grateful for them, for if they had not come, I most likely would not have received the spirit to post this.
I read a meditation this morning about needing help and it stated:
"Free...What can that word mean , When my life belongs to so many other people, When I get squeezed between the generation gap And the tax bill, And I want to walk out the door and keep on walking and never stop...Then what does it mean to be free?"
That passage hit a spot that made me take a look at that question from several aspects of life. First, from the aspect of family, children in particular. Family can be a deciding factor in a person feeling free. They can be those "people" mentioned in that quote as well as a part of that generation gap. We feel obligated and sometimes even responsible to family and will allow them to own or lay claim to so much of our lives. This becomes unhealthy for us when we allow their wants and needs to become more important than our own. We eventually become resentful and unhappy, blaming them, when in fact it is us who have failed to set healthy boundaries. Some of us were not taught to do that, but today there are too many resources available for anyone to not have knowledge of that process. A good friend of mine said something just yesterday that went "Parent/Child relationships are the only relationships that are strengthened through separation; all others strengthened with closeness". And if those of us who have children will be honest with ourselves, we know that is the truth.
Secondly and no less important, I thought about our freedom as a people, Black people. We are told that the slaves were freed by Abraham Lincoln, but who freed us? We are not and never have been slaves, but are descendants of slaves, so we are expected to have gratitude. Well, the job where I work today feels like a plantation and the owner is White, so it makes me wonder, am I really free? I know of course I have to make a living, but when am I supposed to have a life if the "boss" wants me to spend the majority of my time working for him/her? Now don't get me wrong, I definitely am grateful for any and every Black man and woman who fought and died to bring about some change for us in this world, and am exceptionally proud that we now have a Black President of the United States. I would never discount the progress that has been made, I only present the question "What does being free really mean?"
In my profession as a Counselor we teach that real freedom starts in your thinking, and I am a firm believer of that. But changing one's thinking is only the beginning of the discipline needed to experience real freedom. I also read this morning that "You will only discover excellence on the other side of hard work", and "the principle ingredient of success is discipline." So I think real freedom does not come from anybody else but from within myself. No one can provide the freedom I need to enjoy my life, to be successful or to have what I desire, except me. So I conclude that if I want real freedom, I have to apply discipline, pray and strive for it each day.
One of my favorite quotes that I share with clients is what I call the 10/90 principle; and it states: "Life is 10% what happens around me, and 90% how I let it affect me", and today I choose to keep my 90%. How about you?

Domestic Violence; A Real Issue

The topic of Domestic Violence is one that is constantly swept under the rug in today's society. The gravity of this issue and my collaborating in the creation of an E-Zine designed to help address it, prompted this post. I am also currently pursuing training to provide counseling services to victims and offenders of domestic violence in the criminal justice system, so it has a special interest to me. There have been laws passed and bills created to punish offenders and to protect victims while assisting them in life challenges that result from being involved in these types of situations. However, are these avenues or resources really accomplishing the ultimate goal of rehabilitating the offenders and educating both them and the victims?
In spite of the primary intent of programs created for this purpose, most times they neglect to adequately address core issues that usually induce the behavior. Both offenders and victims need access to long-term counseling and guidance to truly recover and change. The temporary and brief services they sometimes receive can be compared to covering a gunshot wound with a band-aid.
I was a guest speaker and participant in the first Hurt2Healing Rally & March on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault in July 2006. It was sponsored by Nation of Islam Ministry of Justice in collaboration with Rev. Kirbyjohn Caldwell. The theme was "From Hurt to Healing, Protecting the Essence of our Sisters", and it was an awesome experience. It was organized by men for women, and the men marched right along side of us. The most memorable part for me was when we ended the march at Reliant Arena and the men placed rose petals on the ground for the women to walk on going in the door. That was one moment I shall forever cherish because if a man never does it for me again, I can hold on to that memory.
I am a survivor of domestic violence and understand the helplessness of a victim and the damage that occurs to a woman's self-esteem. I can relate to how one can become comfortable in unhealthy relationships and not love themselves enough to leave. I also understand and am a living testimony that a woman can overcome that bondage and grow into a healthy person with positive self-worth. I am a firm believer that with the help of God and caring people that he places in our lives, we can get to the other side of any life challenge.
The E-Zine of which I spoke at the beginning of my post is titled "Hurt 2 Healing E-Zine, Overcoming Emotional Impediments to Inner Peace" and is published by Sis Ebony Muhammad. The new April 2009 issue was just published and I am a guest columnist as well as an advertised consultant. This small step to reach out to those who need help with this and other emotional challenges is one way I pay it forward.